Dwight, I serve as a Circuit Counsellor, and I have a conflict in one of our parishes that is complex. Can we talk about it?

God bless you Pastor. I will be happy to speak with you. I am going into a meeting now. Do you need to speak today, or can you schedule an appointment at https://www.aorhope.org/our-staff?

thank you Dwight, I will schedule an appointment.

Hello John,
I am in the Mediation course and have taken the Coaching course. There has been a growing issue in my congregation in which I am the pastor since before I entered the courses. My hope was to take the courses to see if I could reconcile things in the congregation but the issue has been ramping up.

There are two individuals in my church with strong personalities who wish to move the congregation forward in outreach and encouragement of the parishioners to volunteer. This is good but they are resistant to outside input and often avoid communicating what they wish to do to people who it would affect. For example, one of the two (B) decided to move around pews in the sanctuary to place musicians (normally in the choir loft) up front in the sanctuary for worship services. She did this without my input as leader of worship, the elders as organizers of worship, regard for the fire exits, and notification of the board of properties who is responsible for the pews. I was able to suggest a meeting to discuss how best to do this with all the pertinent individuals involved available for discussion, but even though the meeting was supposed to be chaired by the elders, B and D (the other strong personality who had no business being at the meeting because she was not involved in any of pertinent groups affected) took over the meeting and I had to redirect the meeting back to the elders.

There have been other incidents. D requesting B (who holds no office in the church) to call a congregation-wide meeting to decide the focus of the congregation without me as pastor or the church council chairing the meeting. B organizing the construction and erection of a little library on the front lawn of the church without the church council's knowledge or congregation being informed. B ignoring emails from the congregational president about church policies on submission of proposed projects. B and D taking a decision at a congregation meeting of a sign-up sheet for preparing coffee and suggesting they make it into a volunteer list for all projects of the church, including projects handled by official offices in the church, that B would control (I discussed this with D and she walked this back to the sign-up sheet for coffee).

The overall difficulty is that, while B and D are genuinely wishing to help the church, they do not communicate with others when they feel their viewpoints are challenged and thus often circumvent the church council when implementing what they want. The added difficulty is that B will not talk with me about things (except at meetings) and she refuses even to look in my direction in casual settings. We had a heated discussion once where she suddenly became accusative and I, unfortunately, became defensive. I apologized later that day in an email but she never gave a response. D respects offices in the church but always criticizes everyone holding those offices, including myself.

The issue is not getting better and there will be divisions in the congregation before long. I met with my circuit counselor and district pastor on this and have tried to implement their advice. The prime mover in most projects is B and I tried to talk with her with an elder (because I was advised not to meet with her alone since there is a problem between her and I) as a way for her to express her views, but she did not show up to the meeting or send an email to cancel. She was sick but still came to the church that day and left right before the meeting was supposed to take place.

I'm out of my depth on this and would appreciate any thoughts you have on the situation.

Hi John, I just wanted to clarify whether I was acting as the reconciler or as the party in today's practicum?
Sylvia

Hi Sylvia! You are a mediator/reconciler in Case #2 (tonight). Hope this helps!
John

Hi Alan,

Sorry for my delayed response - I just saw this! I suggest scheduling a 45-minute appointment with me (https://outlook.office365.com/book/MeetingwithJohn@hisaor.org/s/LGD3CrlB-UeyPC4A3KbLNA2) or Dwight (https://outlook.office365.com/owa/calendar/MeetingwithDwight@hisaor.org/bookings/s/GjAb8nr6PkWnB6qXMgfhLw2). We are glad to help you walk through the issues.

Blessings,
John

Yes it does, thanks

Hello Dwight! I just wanted to clarify something for the final case study. Is there a significant distinction between the role of "legal guardian" and "conservator"? Or are they synonymous? I don't think conservator is a term we typically use in Canada, so I wasn't sure. Thanks for clarifying!

Good morning Francine - you may assume those terms are synonymous

Bill, My wife of almost 47 years and I are seeking confidential help from a Christian couple to resolve long standing conflicts due to poor communication between us. How can we engage with you as a couple? Please advise.

Mark & Sylvia Thomas