Fighting Like Children

“What is going on here?”  

My voice was stern while frustration dripped from every word. My kids were fighting... again. There is no shortage of fighting in our house. With an odd number of children, someone (or more than one) is always at odds with another. Whether they said an unkind word or lashed out physically or just wanted to play differently than the others, moments of peace are interrupted constantly. What about human nature makes us so prone to conflict? Why can’t I get any “peace and quiet” around here? I find that you could easily replace my role as parent with mediator. Conflict takes up so much of my time! Sometimes, it is between siblings, sometimes it is parents with kids (“Please sit and eat your dinner,” “No”), and once in a blue moon it is husband and wife. It has been said, where two or more gather there is conflict. How true it is!  

With all the fighting, it can be so tempting to just dish out punishments to all involved, demand they “stop fighting,” or walk in the other room and close the door. That will solve it, right? Or at least give me some “peace” for five minutes? It may seem like the right, or at least easy, thing to do. I mean, what’s wrong with this strategy? Too often I want to take this route, but am I living at peace with everyone? Am I demonstrating forgiveness as Christ forgives? Am I actually overlooking their sins? Am I living in reconciled relationships? What am I teaching my kids about how they should handle and respond to conflict? Won’t they grow up to repeat the same patterns? Is that what Jesus calls me to – to live like this? 

I jump in. Instead of frustration dripping from my words I gently help my kids do something different. We stop what we are doing and come together. We take turns saying what happened from our perspectives without interruptions. We listen to the other person. I ask them to put themselves in the other’s shoes. I ask them to focus NOT on what the other person did wrong but what they did wrong. I remind them that another person’s response, even if sinful, never excuses our sinful behavior. I help them to see the biblical principle they need to address and how their sin was, ultimately, against God. I walk them through apologizing to one another without excuses. I help them to forgive with no conditions. I make sure, as much as I can, to have them reconcile the problem and their relationship before moving on. I make dealing with the problem through confession and forgiveness part of their normal. I enact consequences if the situation calls for it. I let them do the work of reconciling. Then I send them on their way.  

You see, reconciling is challenging work - it takes time. Reconciling is not our mode of operation, even as believers. Reconciling is not easy or normal, which is the point I am bringing this to. Reconciliation is the work God did for us and empowers us to act out with others. We weren’t born reconcilers. We were born enemies, children of wrath, fighting and at odds with God, as well as each other. Like anything that God calls us to, it is beyond our own means. If we are commanded to live at peace with others, forgive as Christ has forgiven us, be Christ’s ambassador in reconciliation, and look to the interests of others above our own, then we can only do it by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Equipping Christians to live a lifestyle of reconciliation guided and informed by Scripture, knowing who we are in Christ, and being Holy Spirit led is what AoR is all about. Everything we teach is practical because conflict is all around us, and try as we may, we can’t escape it. We all deal with conflict. But are we dealing with it biblically? Are we honoring God and others in the way we handle it? If you, like me, think you may need help in this area, then we are here to help you and share what we have learned so you can apply it in your life right now.  

Attend one our Regional Receptions for 2024 or attend one of our trainings! Explore our website for more help or contact us directly.