What does conflict reveal about my heart?
Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation - Lesson 2 - Repent Before God, Question 3, p. 28
A husband curses at his wife and storms out the door without telling her where he is going because she spent money on new clothes without consulting him. He wanted to use that money to buy a new TV. This situation illustrates the difference between conflict resolution and reconciliation.
The husband's reaction represents a demand upon his wife, essentially placing his desire for a new TV above their mutual respect and communication. This action reflects a sin against the First Commandment, "You shall have no other gods before me" (Exodus 20:3). By prioritizing his wants over honoring God and loving his neighbor, the husband elevates his desires to a god-like status.
Similarly, the wife's decision to spend money on new clothes without discussing it with her husband also indicates a demand upon him. This act disregards their partnership and mutual decision-making in financial matters. Her action, too, can be seen as a sin against the First Commandment, as it places her personal satisfaction above seeking God's will and maintaining a loving relationship with her husband.
In this scenario, several other commandments were broken:
The Fifth Commandment: "You shall not murder" (Exodus 20:13). While no physical harm occurred, Jesus teaches that anger and contempt towards others equates to murder in the heart (Matthew 5:21-22).
The Sixth Commandment: "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14). In Luther's explanation of the Sixth Commandment, he explains how God calls married people to love, honor and respect one another (Ephesians 5:25). The husband's cursing and storming out disrespects his wife, while the wife's unilateral decision disrespects their mutual agreement and partnership.
The Eighth Commandment: "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16). By their actions, both the husband and wife create a false narrative of mistrust and disunity within their marriage.
The Tenth Commandment: "You shall not covet" (Exodus 20:17). Both individuals coveted material possessions (new clothes and a TV) over their relationship and unity.
Despite the broken commandments and ensuing conflict, there is hope for reconciliation. The gospel offers assurance through the words of 2 Corinthians 5:21: "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." Jesus Christ took on our sins, including our failures in relationships, that we might be made righteous before God. Through His sacrifice, we find forgiveness and the power to reconcile with one another.
In this light, the husband and wife can seek forgiveness from each other and from God, and allow His grace to guide them towards true reconciliation and a restored relationship. By placing God's commandments and love at the center of their marriage, they can overcome conflicts and grow stronger together.
This blog series is adapted from Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation. You can experience this teaching in several ways:
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