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How Improper Desires Affect Our Relationships

Writer: Dwight SchettlerDwight Schettler

What are some of the idols of the heart?

Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation - Lesson 2 - Repent Before God, Question 8&9, p. 30

Improper desires for physical pleasure can often lead to conflict in our relationships. Let me illustrate this with an anecdote.


A young couple, Mark and Sarah, had been happily married for a few years. Their life seemed perfect until Mark started spending more time at the gym. He met a woman there who showed interest in him, and he began to feel flattered. What started as innocent conversations soon spiraled into inappropriate desires. Mark found himself thinking about this woman more than he thought about Sarah. He started coming home late, lying about his whereabouts, and neglecting his duties as a husband.


This scenario broke multiple Commandments besides the First Commandment. Exodus 20:14 says, "You shall not commit adultery." Mark's emotional and mental infidelity was the first step toward breaking this commandment. Furthermore, his deceit violated Exodus 20:16, "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." By lying to Sarah, he introduced dishonesty into their relationship.


Improper desires also lead to envy and covetousness, which break Exodus 20:17, "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife." Mark was desiring something that did not belong to him, leading to a lack of contentment with his own life.


However, there is hope and assurance in the Gospel. Romans 8:1 states, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Even when we fail and succumb to improper desires, the grace of God offers us forgiveness and a path to restoration. 1 John 1:9 assures us, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”


For Mark, seeking forgiveness from God and Sarah through confession, and committing to rebuilding trust, is the path to healing. God's unfailing love and the sacrificial act of Jesus on the cross offer the ultimate assurance that we can be redeemed and our relationships restored.


For situations like this, as well as for internet pornography use, we recommend Responding to Sexual Temptation in a High Tech Society. It presents a balance of law and Gospel for addressing these matters.


 

This blog series is adapted from Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation. You can experience this teaching in several ways:

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