When should I forgive?
Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation - Lesson 5, Forgive as God Forgave You, p. 76-77
Forgiveness is a powerful and transformative act that holds the potential to liberate both the forgiver and the forgiven. However, to truly comprehend the relationship between repentance and forgiveness, we must delve into the scriptures and understand the nuances involved.
God's Unconditional Forgiveness
One of the most profound aspects of God's forgiveness is its unconditional nature. The granting of forgiveness is not dependent upon repentance. This is evident in the scriptures where God's forgiveness for us was not conditional on our repentance. He forgave us even while we were dead in our sins. As stated in Luke 23:34, "And Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" Similarly, Romans 5:6-10 and Ephesians 2:1-5 illustrate how God extended His grace and forgiveness to us despite our sinful state.
Receiving Forgiveness Through Repentance and Faith
While God's forgiveness is offered unconditionally, the receiving of forgiveness is dependent upon repentance and faith. We receive the benefit of God's forgiveness as we "repent and believe in Jesus." John 3:16-18 declares, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Acts 3:19-20 and Mark 1:15 further emphasize the importance of repentance and belief in experiencing the fullness of God's forgiveness.
When Should We Forgive?
The question of when to forgive someone who has sinned against us is one that many struggle with. We are called to forgive others as God through Christ forgave us. This means we have the opportunity to grant forgiveness before the other person repents, even before we talk to him or her. However, the person who has sinned against us will not benefit from that forgiveness unless they repent and believe that the gift is theirs. Thus, we may wait to pronounce that forgiveness until they repent and are ready to receive it.
Benefits of Forgiving Others
Forgiving others in this way provides several benefits:
Freedom from Bitterness: It frees us from the bitterness of unforgiveness, including in situations when we are unable to meet with the other person (e.g., the person has died or we do not know where they are; Ephesians 4:31-32).
Preventing Conditional Forgiveness: It prevents us from making forgiveness dependent upon the good work of repentance. Forgiveness is a free gift and cannot be earned (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Avoiding Judgment: It prevents us from making judgments on the sufficiency of repentance, since only God can see into another person’s heart (Psalm 44:21; Jeremiah 17:10; Hebrews 4:13).
Understanding the relationship between repentance and forgiveness allows us to experience the true depth of God's grace and extend that same grace to others. By forgiving before repentance, we mirror God's unconditional love, but we must also recognize that the full benefit of forgiveness is realized through repentance and faith.
This blog series is adapted from Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation. You can experience this teaching in several ways:
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