What if the other person refuses to repent?
Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation - Lesson 6, Restore with Gentleness, Question 28, p. 92
Matthew 18:15-20 is a passage of the Bible that addresses how to handle conflicts among believers. It is often referred to as the Church Discipline Process. But, in the context of the whole of Matthew chapter 18, we see this really has a goal of redemption and reconciliation. See: Understanding Jesus' Teachings in Matthew 18. Unfortunately, it is sometimes misapplied, leading to misunderstandings and mistreatment within the church. Here, we will address some false assertions about this passage and clarify its true intent.
This is a quick three-step process, after which the person should be kicked out of the church.
The passage does outline a three-step process: first, going to the person alone; second, taking one or two witnesses; and third, telling it to the church. However, this should not be seen as a quick or mechanical procedure for expulsion. The emphasis is on reconciliation, patience, and the hope of restoration. Each step requires time, grace, and a genuine effort to resolve the conflict and bring healing.
Going one-on-one means a single attempt to let the other person know what he has done wrong (such as sending an email or letter, making a phone call, or even an in-your-face confrontation).
The intention behind going one-on-one is to foster personal and direct communication, allowing for a private and sensitive conversation. It should not be a solitary attempt or a confrontational approach. Instead, it should involve genuine dialogue and a sincere desire for understanding and resolution. The goal is to maintain the relationship, not to alienate or shame the other person. See:
Others to bring along as witnesses mean those who agree with you and/or who have authority over the other person and can pressure him to do what you want.
The witnesses are there to provide objective support and to help mediate the situation, not to coerce or intimidate the other person. They should be impartial and trustworthy individuals who can lend credibility to the process and assist in finding a fair and just resolution. Their presence is meant to encourage accountability and transparency, not to enforce one's will upon another. See: Navigating the Temptation to Force Repentance.
“Tell it to the church” means broadcasting your accusations, including utilizing verbal gossip and social media.
"Telling it to the church" refers to involving the broader community in a constructive and orderly manner. It does not mean spreading rumors or using public platforms to shame or defame the person involved. The church should come together in a spirit of compassion and support, seeking to restore and heal rather than to condemn. This step should be taken with great care and sensitivity, ensuring that the privacy and dignity of all parties are respected. A good rule of thumb is to keep the involved group as small as possible for as long as possible. One must take care to avoid the temptation to gossip:
Those who are treated as unbelievers should be shunned.
Treating someone as an unbeliever does not imply shunning or ostracizing them. Rather, it means recognizing that the person may need additional spiritual support and guidance. The church should continue to reach out to them in love, hoping for their repentance and restoration. The goal is always to bring them back into fellowship, not to exclude them permanently. See: Viewing Others as Someone For Whom Christ has Died.
Matthew 18:15-20 is a passage focused on reconciliation, patience, and restoration. Misapplying it can lead to harm and division within the church. It is essential to approach conflicts with grace, understanding, and a genuine desire for healing and unity.
This blog series is adapted from Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation. You can experience this teaching in several ways:
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